Picture this, in a room full of chaos, there is no noise but the television is on. There is no communication but people sitting here have a cell phone in their hands clicking away to glory. Parents are sitting across their kids but haven’t seen each other’s faces because the father is busy on WhatsApp while the mother is catching up on the soap operas she has missed – what will she discuss about in front of her friends if she has missed this particular episode. The kids are busy on theirs; one is playing games online with his friends while the girl is busy shooting selfies to upload on social networking sites. Three… Two… One… That Is It, Parents. Time Out!!!
And yet we claim that we know our kids better than anybody. Nobody needs to teach us about parenting. If all else fails then we shall definitely look up on the internet for the tips on parenting. But for now – this will do.
It’s time to WAKE UP! Though we have all the high end gadgets to keep us in touch with the world we have lost it when it comes to our kids. We have our jobs to keep up, house chores to complete and other errands to do but we can't always take out quality time for our children.
How about a time out on the justification?
What nonsense! My child is number one in his class.
Is that all that you are asking from your child? Just to come on the top or to compete with his fellow beings. Or he could be ahead in sports or any other activity as well. And the thing is we have found an easy way out – once the child gets involved with his tuitions, his activities and his friends; he is already doing enough to become a go getter. And what matters is not that they came first but they enjoyed. They enjoyed participating, they enjoyed giving an exam or it could be that race in school sports. Winning is important but more than that did your child enjoy?
What you should be doing!
Get involved
As parents we always want to give our children the best when it comes to everything. Give, but get involved. By getting involved don’t ask questions like a military commander. Once your child comes back from his tution classes ask him what he did. Did he make friends there? How does he find his teacher? Etc.. If you are sending him to some academy ask whether he/she likes the sport that they have taken up or are they coerced into it.
You will not score points by sending your children to do extracurricular activities but know what your child actually wants or is interested in. Talk it out with them and not their teachers. They are your top priority.
Bad Touch Good Touch
You do not want to scare your child by telling them that the world is full of bad people but it always helps in telling or explaining to them about trust. Unfortunately social media these days is filled up with missing children, harassment cases and what not. Educational institutions these days have set up programs where they do explain what good touch or bad touch is. Still it would be better if we could impart the knowledge upon them. Because this makes them feel secure that it’s okay to share with their mother or father and not to shy away from it.
Make Sundays Fundays
Say a big no to movies when it comes to spending time with your kids. By taking out them for movies you aren’t really doing a great job rather you will cut off the conversation that you could have had. Instead go the traditional way of playing indoor games, solving crosswords, going for picnics or it could be reading a very nice book and you could help them find difficult words in a dictionary. That way you can help in building your child’s vocabulary.
Setting Rules
At times parenting can be stressful but you can help yourself out by discussing it with your child. Sit them down and explain how important discipline is in their life. Do not lecture them on it. But find a fun and easy way for them to understand and tell them about it. In case they do not follow the timetable or the rules set by you do not bribe them in doing so. No one ever said parenting is very easy. Be patient with them.
Learning to be Responsible
If your child’s clothes are lying in a crumpled manner on the floor, don’t shout at them. It’s your fault of not telling them that as soon as they come from school they need to keep things at their respective places – they may not listen to you at once which most of the parents complain about but they need to be told in an easy going manner as much as you can tell them. Or you could also show them how to do it.
More communication More positivity
It has been observed that the more you get involved with your child the happier and positive he/she becomes. Because no matter the age of your child they will always have the need to feel secure and the assurance that no matter what they have someone who will always hold their hand. Hug and kiss your child once a day. With older children – they may feel embarrassed in front of others while you hug them but always empathize with them or few words of support will work.
They Mirror You
As a parent it is always important how you behave with your spouse, your parents or your friends. Your children are always observing you, your manners and how you behave in front of others. If you tell them to close the bathroom door after the use, make sure you close the door too after use. Because kids these days are quick to notice and also point out that you did not do that particular thing. And you are advising them on how to do it.
Listen to their side of story no matter how funny or weird it seems. And importantly look in their eyes while they communicate. Leave your gadgets aside when with them because we do not want to create robots in the near future. In the time with them, you want to be with them completely. We want to create an emotional being who learns to love and give.
You may also want to read Key to successful parenting – Unconditional love.
Megha Patni is from Indore and is a mother to two adorable tykes. Apart from writing about parenting, Megha also writes stories for children and makes homemade chocolates. Currently she is also working on her first book.