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Should children payback to their parents for raising them?

Published on: 25 October , 2016 | Ekta

Parents shower all their love and resources to do the best possible for their children. Not because they have to, but because they want to & they love to. Moral responsibility and unconditional love for their kids makes them go that extra mile to ensure you get everything you deserve & desire. So, should children payback to their parents for raising them? “Payback” maybe defined as “to give something in return for the goods, services or investment rendered”.

While the answer maybe debatable & influenced by several personal experiences & relationships that your may have experienced, the blinded lady of justice, who represents objectivity and impartiality will tend to destroy diplomacy & give her final verdict that a kind & rational human will agree to.

To give back to your parents is not a compulsion. In today’s generation parents have few or no expectations. But the unwritten code of ethics says you must pay back to the one who has dedicated an entire lifetime to nurture you. A payback cannot sustain if it is performed as a favour. Raising kids is not a business transaction. It must be done out of love & gratitude. Ironically, the world means something else to them once they grow up and have kids of their own.

Our geriatric parents at some point, will need not just financial support but also mental & psychological support to deal with their health issues. Depression, Alzheimer’s, Diabetes, Heart problems or any other ailment requires personal love and care that only your own family can understand & take care.

In my personal opinion, not many parents want a monetary payback. Infact, children cannot payback to their parents. Even if you want to. Because you can never gauge the enormous effort they have taken to give you all happiness they could. Instead, they want an emotional support. They want to continue staying with their children. They want to watch their grandchildren grow & play. So if you want to payback. This is the least you can do.

  1. Pay them GRATITUDE. Be thankful for all their relentless hard work & sacrifice.
  2. Pay them RESPECT. By the time you have a kid, they probably are in the 3rd innings of their life & yearn for love & respect. If you don’t respect them, no one will.
  3. Pay them LOVE. You don’t refrain from displaying love to your 5-year old son. Why shy away from showing some love to your 50-year old dad? Because you feel awkward?
  4. Pay them TIME. “I don’t have time” – a phrase used by every person you have possibly met. All that your parents need, is your love & time. Call them atleast once a day or pay a visit every week if you do not stay together.
  5. Pay them HEED. Value their opinions. Experience teaches you more than management books. Involving them in taking important decisions will help you lead a better life. Guaranteed.
  6. Pay them HAPPINESS. Happiness is taking your grandmom out for an evening walk. Happiness is buying grandpa a new pair of shoes. Small things make them happy. Their blessings is worth a million.

Children learn a lot more from what they see & hear rather than what they are told. They learn from our behavior; from how their parents treat their grand-parents at old age. If you as a mother are not willing to take care of your in-laws (husband’s father & mother) affectionately & unconditionally, how can you expect your children to take care of you? After all, what goes around, comes around. We should teach them to complete the circle when their time comes. It is the complex web of reciprocity that has kept us united.

Let’s face the reality. With the current rate of inflation & the ever soaring cost of living, managing finances for your own children is challenging. They abandon their parents when the medical bills become heavy on the pockets. Parents can be a role model by giving equal importance & love to both their elders & children. Shockingly, it is epidemically true that many young adults feel that they are not bound to take care of their parents. They make loaded remarks like – “We did not ask to be born. We are not liable to take care of them.” Sadly, many couples still wish for a son as they feel he will grow up to take care of them when they become old. Boys are considered assets. Because a son helps with finances & survival of the family. And girls, in many rural & urban families, even today, a liability.

Parenting is a "pass it on" feature of life. What happens when this legacy does not continue? What happens when children choose to disown their parents & live their own life? They become extremely selfish. Also, grandchildren in the presence & guidance of grandparents are grounded & build a better value system.

A misbehaved, troublesome or dumb child was never deserted by his parents. Then why would you dump your elders/parents into an old age home? Even if they overcome the poor hygiene conditions, they don't overcome the pain of ungrateful children who don't have time to even visit their parents occasionally.
A mirror will always smile back at you if you were smiling. So, always be good to others. You are going to attract the positive vibes & life will be beautiful. As the famous saying goes, “What you sow, you shall reap”. Take the trouble of being a great child. Inspire others. Be a role model. A happy family is a dream & for a million other families. One day you will have a family of your own. You will grow old. You will need someone to lean on. During that phase, your life pays back for the relationships you shared with your family & friends. Your future depends a lot on how you are in your present. So how do you want your future to be?

It may interest you to read Grandparents – The unsung, unheeded heroes!

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A doting mom to an angel, Social Media Specialist & Professional Blogger. She loves to share her thoughts with other parents in the same turbulent boat. She absolutely loves & adores her family & is learning to strike a good work-life balance. When she is not writing, cooking or busy taking care of her toddler, she probably is dancing to some good desi music!

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