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Physical Intimacy Around Kids – How Much Is Too Much?

Published on: 15 July , 2018 | Megha Patni

Intimacy between couples takes a backseat once you become parents. The little intimate moments that you shared at any time of the day, have now become restricted. With kids being up all night, from breastfeeding to storytelling to ‘Momma I can’t sleep’ you may have forgotten the last time you hugged each other. This lagging of Physical Intimacy between the husband and the wife could prove to be quite stressing for couples, many a times.  Here is an attempt by me to express my views on Physical Intimacy Around Kids – How Much Is Too Much? You are blessed with kid/kids, who constantly look up on you and your actions. They demand your love and attention, so does our spouse too. But, unfortunately our spouses are forgotten. Our spouse also need as much of love and attention as our kid does. And there is nothing wrong in expressing it. Therefore, it is necessary for us to make the kids more understanding and compassionate. Most parents often make a mistake of withdrawing from even holding hands or a hug thinking that this will form a wrong impression on their child. On the contrary there are a few  parents who may think that it’s okay to be intimate around them, since they consider themselves  from a liberal background! Loving your spouse isn’t a crime. But as parents we need to draw a line in differentiating between too much intimacy or just touching or holding. Below listed are insightful tips to keep that flame of love and compassion burning even while having kids around.

Small Actions - Big Impact

  • Hugging as they say is the best way to express love and care. It also gives a certain sort of mental security to your child that the atmosphere at home is safe.
  • Hold hands while at the beach, garden or at a shopping mall. This teaches your child togetherness and happiness comes from little things.
  • Talk, interact and sit with each other – this shows or puts an impression on your child how much you enjoy each other’s company.
  • Ask simple questions, ‘How was your day?’, ‘What did you do today?’ Avoid silence and encourage more communication between each other. This shows ignorance and also the feeling of not being loved. As a result you are raising a child who could either be upset or is frustrated.
  • In case you argue in front of your child (we are humans, nobody is perfect) ensure that you kiss your spouse on the cheek and say ‘I’m sorry’. This will inculcate the emotion of forgiving and moving on.

Things To Avoid With Kids Around

  • If you have watched explicit content on any of your devices (just to get into the mood), delete it immediately. Also the search history as well. Because in this age of high technology, kids at tender age have become tech savvy as well. Watching such content may make your child think about sex way too earlier.
  • Do not talk dirty language in front of your child just to get into the mood. It may make him or you feel embarrassed. This may lead to difficulties in communication between you and your child because he may not know his limitations.
  •  Refrain from entering the room and locking yourselves even before your child is asleep. You might be under the impression that  she is busy watching TV or playing games on mobile, but, she still might be noticing.

Points to ponder:

Ensure that you set a particular routine for your child in going to bed. Do not be lazy enough to make your child sleep at your time. Setting a particular routine will help you and your partner to have enough time for yourselves. Switch off television, take away mobile phones and ensure that you can spend quality time with your child in reading their favorite bedtime story. So you can give equal time both to your child and your spouse. Try to go on date nights when you have someone trustworthy enough to take care of your child. Make this a monthly ritual to keep the flame alive and love blooming. Even when both of you are sitting together and cuddling each other and your child comes to sit in the middle, don’t tell him to go away. Instead go for a threesome hug and instill a sense of belonging and togetherness. Always remember you are the mirror to your child, how you or your spouse behaves will get imprinted on his mind for a long time. Set a good example of what a healthy relationship as a family means. Safeguard your privacy and intimacy since you aren’t out there trying to teach what sexual relationship means.  
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Megha Patni

Megha Patni is from Indore and is a mother to two adorable tykes. Apart from writing about parenting, Megha also writes stories for children and makes homemade chocolates. Currently she is also working on her first book.


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