Things aren’t really the same after you have kids. This is an undisputed fact. And while you may discuss about the behavior & activities of your children at school & with family & friends, not much is discussed about how “romantic dates” change with time. Sometimes it is just about spending some time together with your partner without having to deal with children fussing over food
, screaming for the third chocolate of the day or resolving sibling fights. But that’s not EXACTLY a date. Although it may feel like one, if parenting has been maddening. So, what do parents REALLY do on a date night?
You will look up for the latest fine-dining restaurant on Zomato in town, deciding on the cuisine that both of you mutually agree to; but end up driving to the closest one due to paucity of time & anxiousness to rush back home incase of any toddler-emergency.
You keep looking at your watch, eagerly awaiting to place the order & do not forget to mention & remind the waiter twice to try to get the food ASAP because you have a kid at home. As if seeing the time every 10 minutes will ensure the TIME does not cheat you & fly away!
Just as though the whole day was just not enough, even conversations on a romantic date revolve around strategic ways to encourage your child to outperform at school. Or about how the mother updates the father on the child’s progress/tantrums or even reports on the notorious habit that was picked recently from a fellow friend at school.
Well, if it’s not about the kids then it has to be the “in-laws”! You have to admit. Women just can’t stop grumbling about the petty issues they have to deal with in their everyday lives. Saas-bahu ka nok-jhok or the cold air between your co-sister, it all has to come out someday. Ironically, it’s the only time your husband cannot walk out or pretend that he has a call to attend to.
So the “Romantic Dinner” plan is finally made. But you figure out that your wardrobe has nothing that makes you look sexy. Because, you have not shopped much barring the XL size comfortable clothing. So you decide to instead go to a mall to overhaul your wardrobe & expectdly you end up shopping for your kids more than for yourself. And then, ofcourse, end up eating at the food court. How romantic!
If you have not spent much time together, it’s awkward when you are wondering what to talk. You look around, watching people - what they’re wearing & looking at those who are constantly laughing. You suddenly realize that you have become old(at heart, mind & soul, if not for age) & boring. Exchanging sweet silent smiles, you & your partner try to make conversations to make the ‘date’ feel absolutely normal.
If you are not bored to death, figuring out what to talk (because it has been really long since you have spent time with each other), you realize how much you miss those days. So, you plan a honeymoon part-2 vacation(just you and your husband, of course) that will never happen. Because upon arrival, you realize that your notorious child was handful & your mother-in-law has already retired for the day taking care of your brat for 2 hours .
You finally get a chance to watch A-rated movies like Nasha or B.A Pass to discover how they can re-sensitize you. You want to net flix & chill! And then(as expected), you get a call that your baby won’t stop crying so you need to leave the movie soon after intermission(that’s probably when the movie gets interesting).
You go overboard on pani puri, pizzas, burgers, ice-creams, brownies and all thise foods that are a taboo for kids; because your they aren’t around you to judge you & cite this example later. Binging on all things unhealthy, you had to get down wth diarrhea.
Go to a nice roof-top restaurant, laugh innocently on crazy stupid jokes like you were just married. Have a nice hot chocolate fudge with brownie and ice-cream, or something that you have yearned to have for sometime. Come back home, put the kid/kids to sleep. Tug into his arms, feel warm & loved and get a good night sleep. (This can happen occasionally) And, this, my dear friends, is a perfect date!
If you have been on any of these similar “dates”, do not feel terrible. The spark in your relationship may have dimmed but not vanished. And your partner does not love you any less. With time love grows; deeper & stronger
. And this is what “Parenting” teaches you. You can also read our blog on "Physical Intimacy around kids - How much is too much?"
Have fun together. Make fun of each other. Take out time to laugh, crack silly jokes & show how much you love your spouse. Someday, when your kids are grown up, you may look back and realize that it was alright to not be a control freak. It was perfectly fine to let loose the shackles occasionally & be an imperfect parent. You can be a great parent. Not a flawless one. So, enjoy your Parenting!
A doting mom to an angel, Social Media Specialist & Professional Blogger. She loves to share her thoughts with other parents in the same turbulent boat. She absolutely loves & adores her family & is learning to strike a good work-life balance. When she is not writing, cooking or busy taking care of her toddler, she probably is dancing to some good desi music!