Dear Sasu Ma, Yesterday was one of those days again. You felt I should have worn my mangalsutra to the family party when I really didn’t want to. I could see the slight disappointment on your face and for a moment, I felt a bit guilty again. I know you felt bad last week too, when I told you that your son (aka my husband) doesn’t need extra ghee on his paratha. I felt that maybe I should’ve just let it go, but I know that it is not ok for his health, so I chose to speak out my heart instead. But then I thought, how long will this go on? At some point of time, you might stop having any expectations from me or I might stop caring altogether. Honestly, this was not how I envisioned our relationship. I expected us to have a modern MIL-DIL relationship where both of us have a healthy respect with a ‘live and let live’ philosophy. I’m sure you do too. But Indian relationships are never that simple, and a mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship is like somersaulting on a tightrope. But how will we sail through this if we’re not honest about what we feel about each other? So here’s what has been unsettling me about our relationship:

I know I’m not perfect, but who is?

I might not be the picture-perfect bahu that you imagined. I have my flaws and idiosyncrasies. The way I do certain things might not be to your liking. But who doesn’t have flaws? Best is to see how we can accept them. After all, getting used to new ways in a new house is a big change for me just as getting used to a new person doing things her way in the house might be for you.

We have our choices

I understand that during your time, things were different. Bahus were expected to listen to their in-laws always. But you might also agree that times now are different. We have our choices and we like to celebrate our individuality. For example, I don’t really like pairing the mangalsutra with jeans as I feel I don’t have to wear my mangalsutra always. Everyone knows that I’m happily married.

Please don’t make me feel guilty in front of my child

You might disagree with some of my parenting methods, and some of them might be wrong, but try not to make me feel guilty in front of my child. Parenting has evolved now and it is not healthy for her mind too.

Your son is a capable adult

When you say things like, “Oh my son didn’t take his lunch to work today.” “Oh, he ate so little last night,” it sends out the message that I’m not mothering him enough. But sasu ma, I don’t want to mother him, I’m his wife. He is an adult who is capable of taking his decisions and making his cup of tea. Yes, I’m concerned about his well-being too, but I dare not take the place of his mother, right?

Let’s not get to the ‘your parents’ thing

I know I’m the ‘bahu’ of this house, but I’m still my parents’ daughter. There might be several things that my parents say or do that you might not approve of, but to each his/her own. Since they’re the one who brought me into this world, questioning their behaviour doesn’t go down well with me. I would honestly like to hear your side of the story as well. Unless we talk it out, how will we know how to untangle this relationship?   So I extend my hand (which is adorned with the bangles you gifted me) in friendship. Let’s talk!   Also Read

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