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The Urgent Need For Understanding Child Psychology

Published on: 26 July , 2017 | Aarti Chellwani

"I wish parenting came with a manual or one style that would solve all parenting issues"; this is probably the most commonly heard statement of new parents who always want the best for their children. Parenting is not a destination that we have to reach, it is a journey that we are bestowed in our life as parents. Why is there The Urgent Need For Understanding Child Psychology?

Sometimes we fall, sometimes we learn, sometimes we are exhausted, sometimes we are grateful, sometimes we are perfect! Throughout this journey one thing that should stay constant as parents is the desire to make ourselves better and progress with our children as they grow. This would mean facing our inner demons, challenging our weaknesses and rising above our strengths to raise confident and kind children for the future. But how often do we seriously reflect on our parenting practices and their impact on our child's growth?

In one of his recent articles about parenting, spiritual master Sadhguru makes a statement, "Parenting is a 20-year project if your children turn out good, if not it is a lifelong project." He also suggests that we should only take up this project if we are truly ready for this long commitment, and it requires a huge transformation as individuals within ourselves. How thought provoking are these words!

A child who comes in our life is absolutely naive and totally dependent on us for his survival and future success in every aspect of life. Isn't this a really big responsibility then?

Understanding the way in which a child develops and makes meaning of this life is crucial to make this journey a memorable one for both the parents and children. And one parenting style would not be suitable for everyone as each child is born unique and special. How best to nurture this uniqueness is the biggest challenge of parents in today's fast-paced technological times.

There is a plethora of research done by neuroscientists and psychologists which reveal that the effects of the attachment bonds shared by the children with their primary caretakers during their formative years of childhood play a remarkable role in their future relationships and achievements in life.

Children do not learn by listening, as much as they do from imitation. The bonds we form with them, how we connect with them, how we behave and respond to various emotions are all being registered by our kids as they watch us.  When a child experiences belittling and dismissal during his childhood, he will often tend to be insecure and judgemental; whereas the one growing with unconditional love and acceptance will exhibit positive self-esteem leading to fulfilling relationships in future.

In his book 'Unconditional Parenting' author Alfie Kohn argues that the single most need of a child is to be loved unconditionally so that he knows he is accepted and loved irrespective of his actions and behaviour. When deeply reflected, it indicates that creating an environment free of prejudice, filled with respect and love needs a major paradigm-shift in the parenting techniques that we might have been brought up in the past. And this is often the most neglected aspect or difficult part to accept for adults as parents. This is not to say that we are parenting our children in an inappropriate manner. But, understanding the dynamics of child development and impacts of parenting styles on them makes it more effective and a satisfying experience rather than ending up with frustrations and power struggles.

The society we live in also has a considerable effect on our parenting practices. It sometimes creates a barrier and restricts us to behave in a certain manner with our children which is unknowingly hampering the very well-being of our children. For example, parents often choose to react rather than respond with patience to the meltdowns and tantrums of the children (especially in public). It is important at this stage to decipher the need and the reason behind the behaviour of the children and not focus on meeting our need of being able to appear competent in the eyes of the strangers around us. In his article “What makes a terrific parent”, Alfie Kohn brilliantly mentions the three closely related features of high-quality parents.

These include:

1) Acknowledging and respecting the uniqueness in the needs of your children and understanding it to be distinct from your own

2) Learning everything about nurturing this uniqueness and the needs according to their development

3) Acting on and staying committed to meeting those needs whenever possible.

It requires a high-level of self-reflection, thoughtful consideration to understanding the growth of our children and staying in task with them throughout the journey. It needs practice, takes time but is certainly an enriching and nourishing experience at both ends. This also facilitates the children to be a contributing part of the journey and not just do what we want them to do as their responses and gestures offer an assurance to us as parents to stay committed and bring authenticity and depth to this beautiful bonding with us.

It is imperative to find some time in our busy schedules to know more about the influence of our parenting techniques and hence learn more about how it feels to not just be in the children’s shoes but also have their feet. Their childhood days may seem longer but the years will pass by soon, which cannot be relived in our lives. A comprehensive knowledge of their developmental years and a little more conscious parenting will be a great deal of investment for their future accomplishments.

No matter how many gifts you bestow upon your child, you will not become a good parent if you fail to understand their psychology. If you are having trouble with understanding your child’s mood swings, actions, or behavior, contact BetterHelp. Their licensed professionals can help you understand and overcome these struggles.

As parents we all do want the best and wish success for all the endeavours of our children. Although we cannot (and should not) control their life, we can definitely lay a good foundation of life skills into them during these fundamental years which will help them lead a happy and confident life.

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Aarti Chellwani

An enthusiastic IB teacher by profession and a mother to a toddler, Aarti Chellwani believes in taking parenting to a dynamic level. Aspiring to become a Parent Coach in future, she gets immense joy in reading child psychology books and articles related to child development. She is passionate about exploring effective teaching and learning strategies in the field of education and traveling to different places in the world.

Elina Wadia 2017-07-31 12:29:12

I loved how you highlighted that we need to accept them and infact learn from them! It's surprising how parents these days expect their kids to be like them and March the so called standards!

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Elina Wadia 2017-07-31 12:29:12

Absolutely, we hadn't enrolled for after-school activities. Neither had we scored a centum in our board exams. It's funny how we expect our kids to live our un-fulfilled dreams.

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Aarti 2017-07-29 19:45:34

Thank you everyone for acknowledging the content and appreciating it..special thanks to Ekta for letting me write on this platform.. I will be coming with more soon ..

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Aarti 2017-07-29 19:45:34

Our pleasure Aarti, look forward to hear back soon.

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Dr. Nirmal Ahuja 2017-07-29 16:15:13

Amazing I must say...very informative ??

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Dr. Nirmal Ahuja 2017-07-29 16:15:13

Thank you so much Dr.Nirmal. Nice to hear these encouraging words from you. Content credit - Aarti.

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Aarti 2017-07-29 01:16:37

Thank you everyone for the positive response.. thank u Ekta for acknowledging the comments on my behalf.. I am glad you find the article using and effective ..

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Aarti 2017-07-29 01:16:37

Dear Aarti, thank you for your contribution. Would love to hear more from you. :)

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Monika Sehdev 2017-07-28 18:40:57

THIS POST IS MUCH NEEDED , THX FOR SHARING !

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Monika Sehdev 2017-07-28 18:40:57

Thanks Monica. Yes I think Aarti has written an article every oarent should read.

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Mahak @babyandbeyondin 2017-07-28 18:30:15

I really liked and could relate to the 3 features of high quality parents. Thanks for sharing this

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Mahak @babyandbeyondin 2017-07-28 18:30:15

That's fantastic. Thank you for acknowledging.

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Bushra Khan (BeautyMommies) 2017-07-28 09:25:55

Yes- this is something every parent should learn and FEEL ! We all want to be better parent but with changing times we have put a lot on our plate to give our children everything- our children dont need everything - they just need their parents to listen to them

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Bushra Khan (BeautyMommies) 2017-07-28 09:25:55

Absolutely, thank you for re-iterating. Well said.

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Afsha Galar 2017-07-28 00:45:43

Well that was quite informative I have a lot of takeaways after reading that post

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Afsha Galar 2017-07-28 00:45:43

Thanks Afsha! Glad you found it useful.

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Sana 2017-07-27 21:18:48

Very informative post!!! Love your blog

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Sana 2017-07-27 21:18:48

Heartfelt thanks Sana :) Very encouraging to hear someone say "Love Your Blog".

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Siddhi 2017-07-27 21:06:08

It's important to connect with children on all levels

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Siddhi 2017-07-27 21:06:08

Absolutely Siddhi, I agree. Should be more friends than parents if we them to trust us & share the most important things in their lives.

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Zainab 2017-07-27 20:17:45

Well so true sometimes we are exhausted!!! I'm guilty of reacting instead of responding ☹️

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Zainab 2017-07-27 20:17:45

OMG! Love your words.. we react instead of responding almost everday!

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Dr Bushra 2017-07-27 13:14:48

Like you said strong foundation plays important role in child upbringing

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Dr Bushra 2017-07-27 13:14:48

True. It's easier said than described, what strong foundation is. But, as a parent we got to do the best we can.

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Thank you for the comment!