I had many an illusions while I was pregnant and though my parenting journey is only of 5 years; I have realized that I was suffering from many a myths. So, if I could look back and talk to my pregnant self today; this is what I would inform myself. Maybe this would resonate with some of you and help others.
Dear Ms Wannabe perfectionist,
Hello mommy to be, I know you are excited and a little nervous. You are being very planned and organized for the baby. But, I want to tell you a few things so that you can enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest because henceforth you can forget about being planned as that word will escape your life’s dictionary.
So here are my suggestions and you are hereby forewarned:
Stop judging the mothers of the children that you think are spoilt. Stop questioning other people’s parenting styles and for goodness sake stop trying to perfect your own parenting style in your head. For all the strong opinions you have, you are now about to discover confusion and chaos and indecision and yes you shall finally learn spontaneity. So, these very parents that you judge in your mind can come to your rescue when your times of confusion begin.
You know how you like an organized house and you think that you will be able to train your child into adapting your methods; well this idea shall be the biggest joke ever. Your love of all things white in the house shall become a love that will be stained with many things ranging from human excrement to pulpy fruit! Let me inform you that your child at 6 months will be a mini version of your adamant self of when you were 16 years. Yes, you will get a dose of your own medicine in double strength! Karma is a bxxxx. So, while you are drooling over the onesies and stocking the toy cupboard; don’t forget to stock the bar too to help you along.
I know right now you are tired of the wait, you think you can’t sleep because of the pregnancy and you are mistaken. These are your good days honey. You shall be very soon sleep deprived and you will feel like a zombie on most days. Sleep when the baby sleeps will not work for you, because you are a wannabe perfectionist. As soon as the baby sleeps you will get back to making things perfect so let me burst the bubble and ask you to read point 2 again. So enjoy whatever sleep you are getting now and you can buy some magic concealers for the dark circles you are about to get.
While we are on the subject of innovative make up used to hide flaws, let me inform you that no amount of jojoba oil and coconut butter is going to help you in your stretch marks so get ready to bear those marks on your body with the pride that motherhood shall bring.
Yes, motherhood shall bring pride. And you know what else motherhood will bring, unconditional love like you have never experienced before. You heart will be full and you will turn into a guardian and ninja mother and you will love it (mostly). But, it shall also bring sometimes the friends of guilt that are confusion, indecision, worry, dilemma and uncertainty. However, love will conquer it all.
So, while you are pregnant and wondering if you should take that epidural; spend time with yourself strengthening you mind, soul and spirit. Spend quality time with the husband for there will be moments when you would perhaps want to kill him for impregnating you; resist that temptation for he will make a handy help with the little one! Spend quality time with your mother for you will respect the lady more going forward for bearing and rearing you and for all the guidance and support you shall receive.
And now, Miss wannabe perfectionist let me highlight the biggest myth that is- there can be perfection in parenting. You have planned everything in your life but while being organized sorted and scheduled will help so will spontaneity, improvising and being whimsical. You will learn that imperfect parents are better than the perfect ones (look at your own parents and you turned out okay). So relax for there is no way that you have all the answers and enjoy the journey for it shall unravel many mysteries. And blossom in the love for that is absolute.