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A Letter To My Pregnant Self And Any Other Perfectionist Moms To Be

Published on: 30 October , 2017 | Shivani Thakral

I had many an illusions while I was pregnant and though my parenting journey is only of 5 years; I have realized that I was suffering from many a myths. So, if I could look back and talk to my pregnant self today; this is what I would inform myself. Maybe this would resonate with some of you and help others. Dear Ms Wannabe perfectionist, Hello mommy to be, I know you are excited and a little nervous. You are being very planned and organized for the baby. But, I want to tell you a few things so that you can enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest because henceforth you can forget about being planned as that word will escape your life’s dictionary. So here are my suggestions and you are hereby forewarned: Stop judging the mothers of the children that you think are spoilt. Stop questioning other people’s parenting styles and for goodness sake stop trying to perfect your own parenting style in your head. For all the strong opinions you have, you are now about to discover confusion and chaos and indecision and yes you shall finally learn spontaneity. So, these very parents that you judge in your mind can come to your rescue when your times of confusion begin. You know how you like an organized house and you think that you will be able to train your child into adapting your methods; well this idea shall be the biggest joke ever. Your love of all things white in the house shall become a love that will be stained with many things ranging from human excrement to pulpy fruit! Let me inform you that your child at 6 months will be a mini version of your adamant self of when you were 16 years. Yes, you will get a dose of your own medicine in double strength! Karma is a bxxxx. So, while you are drooling over the onesies and stocking the toy cupboard; don’t forget to stock the bar too to help you along. I know right now you are tired of the wait, you think you can’t sleep because of the pregnancy and you are mistaken. These are your good days honey. You shall be very soon sleep deprived and you will feel like a zombie on most days. Sleep when the baby sleeps will not work for you, because you are a wannabe perfectionist. As soon as the baby sleeps you will get back to making things perfect so let me burst the bubble and ask you to read point 2 again. So enjoy whatever sleep you are getting now and you can buy some magic concealers for the dark circles you are about to get. While we are on the subject of innovative make up used to hide flaws, let me inform you that no amount of jojoba oil and coconut butter is going to help you in your stretch marks so get ready to bear those marks on your body with the pride that motherhood shall bring. Yes, motherhood shall bring pride. And you know what else motherhood will bring, unconditional love like you have never experienced before. You heart will be full and you will turn into a guardian and ninja mother and you will love it (mostly). But, it shall also bring sometimes the friends of guilt that are confusion, indecision, worry, dilemma and uncertainty. However, love will conquer it all. So, while you are pregnant and wondering if you should take that epidural; spend time with yourself strengthening you mind, soul and spirit. Spend quality time with the husband for there will be moments when you would perhaps want to kill him for impregnating you; resist that temptation for he will make a handy help with the little one! Spend quality time with your mother for you will respect the lady more going forward for bearing and rearing you and for all the guidance and support you shall receive. And now, Miss wannabe perfectionist let me highlight the biggest myth that is- there can be perfection in parenting. You have planned everything in your life but while being organized sorted and scheduled will help so will spontaneity, improvising and being whimsical. You will learn that imperfect parents are better than the perfect ones (look at your own parents and you turned out okay). So relax for there is no way that you have all the answers and enjoy the journey for it shall unravel many mysteries. And blossom in the love for that is absolute.
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Shivani Thakral

Monessa Dhiman Grover 2017-11-10 12:13:02

SO true Shivani .. very well explained, felt like I was reading my story except the stretch marks part.. I was lucky in that I guess.. but absolutely fantastic writing skills.. love whatever u write 👍

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Damian 2017-11-08 22:50:05

Enjoyed the read.With a little one on the way I found myself heading towards my perfect methodical ways and reminding myself that I'll be different! I don't think that's gonna happen given your experience.Thanks for the heads up!Will be better prepared for the chaos to come...will take a step back and enjoy the journey. Liked the way you have summed it up.Thanks!

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Mel 2017-11-08 22:44:31

Great write up...to guide the constantly confused first time mother especially... thanks for sharing

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Neha 2017-11-06 10:37:46

Great read Shivani !

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Vasundhara 2017-11-03 11:05:20

Well-Written Write-up Woven with Wit, Shivani. I can’t agree more; stretch marks remind us the blissfulness of motherhood while reiterating the translated Latin phrase ‘Man proposes God disposes’. Would second that our mom & spouse would be the victims of our outbursts and shock absorbers of our tantrums. Realizing this many corporates are introducing Paternity Leave. Yup, it’s all Love, “Love is Old, Love is New, Love is All….”. No rest to your pen Shivani. :)

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Shafali 2017-11-02 17:37:12

This is a wonderful expression of the journey from mom to be and to mom.... it took back to the lane of memories ...a couple of years back... the amount of planning i did and what actually happened .... and today.... begin a mother of 5 years old still he has the ability to fails all my plans either to be perfect mother or even to spend a simple (so called) perfect Sunday....... And completely in agreement that there is no single way or a formula which works in all situations. every situation is different and needs you u then n there.... as always enjoy you realizing since they are so close to reality..... Keep writing and we shall have a happy reading time......All the best...

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Disha Bhandari 2017-11-02 10:19:11

A great read as usual... coming from you... totally agree on how no amount of planning or information can prepare you for what to expect at any stage... letting go and embracing the moment is what works for me! Keep it going shivani... can see you are really enjoying this topic of parenting!

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Pankhuri 2017-11-01 12:58:42

What a wonderful read Shivani. The one thing that resonates most is that each ones journey is different and therefore no judgements on anyone’s parenting . We all try our best and if the kids are healthy and happy then nothing else matters. Keep writing .

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Usha 2017-10-31 21:25:01

I am a mother with teens and what you wrote resonated so much...not just when the kids were tiny, but even now! The one and only truth, as you rightly point out, is that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent....we all try our best, and that’s the closest one can get to perfection...very wel written...echoes every mom’s feelings!

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Usha 2017-10-31 21:25:01

Thank you for commenting and your kind words!

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Meenakshi 2017-10-31 21:19:47

Nice read Shivani.Parenting is the toughest job of all.

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Rathna 2017-10-31 21:04:54

Nice information...

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Zeenia 2017-10-31 15:30:28

Love it !

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Anupam Sharma 2017-10-31 15:02:48

Very nice article, it's true there is no set formula for perfect parenting except abundance of love & care

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Anupam Sharma 2017-10-31 15:02:48

Thank you Anupam. Parenting is all about Love and extra bit of patience :)

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Anupam Sharks 2017-10-31 14:59:50

Very nice article , it's true there in no set formula of perfect parenting except abundance of love & care

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Kapil 2017-10-31 13:25:51

Very well written ........

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Kapil 2017-10-31 13:25:51

Thank you Kapil!

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Surkhab 2017-10-31 12:01:06

Great article! More power to you :)

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Surkhab 2017-10-31 12:01:06

Thanks Surkhab! Great article.

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Michelle 2017-10-31 11:26:02

Love the way you penned down the reality of becoming a parent! Especially when we are still in the planning phase, it's good to know what exactly to expect!

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Michelle 2017-10-31 11:26:02

Thanks Michelle. Well articuated by Shivani!

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Ritu tandon 2017-10-31 10:34:50

Very well written..

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Nishita 2017-10-31 10:32:12

Super write up. I am sure it Wud be an eye opener for many moms to be or I who are already going through this beautiful phase. Excellent work

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Nishita 2017-10-31 10:32:12

Thanks Nishtha for these encouraging words!

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Joshi 2017-10-31 09:58:14

Excellent work Mrs Shivani..keep on writing... all the very best to you, your son and Mr Nadish..

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Joshi 2017-10-31 09:58:14

Thank you Mr.Joshi

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SUDHEER P NAIR 2017-10-31 09:47:05

Excellent, shivan.

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Kaustubh 2017-10-31 08:55:04

Very insightful and sagacious article

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Mohan 2017-10-31 08:41:38

Sweet n simple words but with a profound meaning. Keep it up God Bless 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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Nadish 2017-10-31 08:29:59

Well captured! On a lighter note, I am confident I also helped u with the cocktails!

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SAROSH K DASTOOR 2017-10-31 08:21:03

A good read even for guys. Could relate to a lot of it.

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Sheetal jain 2017-10-31 07:58:09

Awesome

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Sheetal jain 2017-10-31 07:57:08

Nice article informative also good to read after so many years

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Neeru 2017-10-31 06:46:32

Hey a total eye opener for expecting moms . This article made me go back down the memory lane when I was a young mother . My son is 18 years old now ., I wish somebody had prepared me for all the motherhood challenges then .

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Dr.Pooja Kaushik Chopra 2017-10-31 06:42:35

Very well written! Trip down memory lane..

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Kavita Gupta 2017-10-31 04:35:38

Very well articulated Shivani and could relate to it so much .

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Anuradha Kishore 2017-10-30 23:37:17

Wow Shivani !Loved it ! You have so beautifully captured the essence of the self-inflicted lull and the storm that follows ! Perfect Parent is an oxymoron by definition . Contrasting words knitted together to give you hope for the future that what you are getting into will not kill you , it will at the most make you a little stranger. I agree with every word of yours Shivani as you have clearly washed away any and all myths about what lies ahead. Parenthood teaches you the art of wrestling with your own emotions of care , concern , worries, fear , love ,compassion, envy and pride all mostly within the span on the same day on most days. And to add to that heady mix you also get dollops of exhaustion and sleeplessness. Enjoy the ride ...its full of memories you'll cherish forever.

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Rajneesh Doohan 2017-10-30 23:25:19

Great read Shivani! I can relate to the parenthood bejng more of an art rather than being a science. Most times , we tend to overcomplicate our liives. Enjoying the chaos is the key :-)

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Pallavi 2017-10-30 23:19:16

Absolutely true, Shivani!

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Kavita dayani 2017-10-30 23:13:48

Excellent. Right from the heart.

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Prerna Wahi 2017-10-30 22:35:28

Superb write up!!! I can see myself in so many lines. Struck a chord with me for sure. Keep writing!

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Chhaya 2017-10-30 22:31:38

Very well executed. I can totally relate it with my both the pregnancies. Made me laugh on my own journey. Loved it

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Chhaya 2017-10-30 22:31:38

thanks chhaya for the lovely compliment!

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Swati 2017-10-30 22:20:46

Excellent!!!!! Very well written Shivani 👍

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Swati 2017-10-30 22:20:46

cheers! thx for commenting

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Geetika (mother of 2 lil monsters) 2017-10-30 22:19:13

Relatable

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Geetika (mother of 2 lil monsters) 2017-10-30 22:19:13

thank you for commenting!

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Manvika 2017-10-30 22:10:24

What a beautiful read !! Loved it Shivani !

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Manvika 2017-10-30 22:10:24

cheers! thanks for commenting

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Shruti 2017-10-30 22:09:01

Great read! Hindsight is such a great friend..... i hope we can let go a little and enjoy the journey.....

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Shruti 2017-10-30 22:09:01

and such a lovely journey it shall be.....the more the merrier!!

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Shruti 2017-10-30 22:09:01 Reply >>

👍 Perfect Shivani ! With a 20 year old and a 12 year old. I have to say following : All will be well . Look at solutions don’t be judgemental Take help form any one who is ready to support Don’t make grand parents on either side take on the primary part of parenting Don’t give up your work and your financial independence . Take paid help When u get stuck use google it’s faster then mommy groups . When u have just started on your journey . Rest you will learn and unlearn what works now for that moment Life is constant change Last if they have decided to go down the tube pull them up again and again without nagging and here planning is essential 💕💕 why that is the only choice as parents Continue being you and focus on you as well 💄💄❤️❤️

rupal 2017-10-30 22:08:15

Shivani you read my mind.parenting is anything but perfection and go with the flow we must but may i add being a mum to two i am given to understand that planning definitely helps it eases your daily upheaval at parenting tasks and better sense prevails as the day ends.

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rupal 2017-10-30 22:08:15

yes , we can all learn that; you are one of the best juggler moms that i know of! thx for commenting

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