Meeting an adoptive parent? Here’s what you should NOT be saying to them

Starting a family is always special, no matter how you have the baby, isn’t it? Yet, if a couple decides to bring home a baby who are not biologically/ genetically theirs, they are likely to encounter mixed reactions. Have you adopted a baby or know a couple who has? , keep your calm if you hear any of the following and if you are about to visit an adoptive parent for the first time, rethink your first conversation. You can also read

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1.The Modest visitor –

Oh wow! What a noble deed. I am so proud of you!” Our response – Will we be extra proud if a couple gave birth to their own baby or simply congratulate them?

 2.The Curious Visitor –

“Oh… (Followed by a long pause, trying to be neutral). A bit apologetically, yet reluctantly, “You don’t want to try any more on your own, is it? Our response - Do we ever ask a couple about their next baby right at the birth or arrival of their first one?

3.The Inquisitive Visitor –

“Nice, but do you know his/her biological parents? Do they tell you about her background? What will happen if they come looking for his/her? What will you tell him/her when s/he grows up?” Our response - Do we ask new parents when they exactly conceived? How was the couple’s mood that night? How will you tell your child about the process of his birth when s/he grows up?

4.The Trying-to-be-Concerned Visitor –

“What’s that mark on her/his face? Do you have his/her medical records? Is his/her weight normal?” Our response – Do we ever look at a newborn baby and say that to a set of biological parents? Or do you just flood them with ‘Oh such an angel’ or, ‘Oh-so-cute’ kind of comments.

5.The Fill-Me-In-More Visitor –

“How long did it take you? How much money did you have to pay? Were you asked – boy or girl?” Our response- This is like asking – How long did it take you to conceive? Since when did you plan? Did you have some mantra or did you follow the Chinese calendar for having a boy or a girl?

6.The Trying-to-be-Normal Visitor –

“She / He is blessed to have you as parents! You all look so beautiful together!” Our response – That’s encouraging but isn’t any parent blessed to have any child instead of the other way round? Why can’t it simply be – Congratulations! Or, All the best for your next innings! Or, Your bundle of joy looks so cute! Lots of love and blessings…etc..? How does it matter where/how the baby has come from? Isn’t it important that the couple has started a new journey – one of joy, love and responsibility?! #normalizeadoption #adoption #adoptiveparents