Meeting an adoptive parent? Here’s what you should NOT be saying to them
Starting a family is always special, no matter how you have the baby, isn’t it? Yet, if a couple decides to bring home a baby who are not biologically/ genetically theirs, they are likely to encounter mixed reactions.
Have you adopted a baby or know a couple who has? , keep your calm if you hear any of the following and if you are about to visit an adoptive parent for the first time, rethink your first conversation.
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1.The Modest visitor –
Oh wow! What a noble deed. I am so proud of you!”
Our response – Will we be extra proud if a couple gave birth to their own baby or simply congratulate them?
2.The Curious Visitor –
“Oh… (Followed by a long pause, trying to be neutral). A bit apologetically, yet reluctantly, “You don’t want to try any more on your own, is it?
Our response – Do we ever ask a couple about their next baby right at the birth or arrival of their first one?
3.The Inquisitive Visitor –
“Nice, but do you know his/her biological parents? Do they tell you about her background? What will happen if they come looking for his/her? What will you tell him/her when s/he grows up?”
Our response – Do we ask new parents when they exactly conceived? How was the couple’s mood that night? How will you tell your child about the process of his birth when s/he grows up?
4.The Trying-to-be-Concerned Visitor –
“What’s that mark on her/his face? Do you have his/her medical records? Is his/her weight normal?”
Our response – Do we ever look at a newborn baby and say that to a set of biological parents? Or do you just flood them with ‘Oh such an angel’ or, ‘Oh-so-cute’ kind of comments.
5.The Fill-Me-In-More Visitor –
“How long did it take you? How much money did you have to pay? Were you asked – boy or girl?”
Our response- This is like asking – How long did it take you to conceive? Since when did you plan? Did you have some mantra or did you follow the Chinese calendar for having a boy or a girl?
6.The Trying-to-be-Normal Visitor –
“She / He is blessed to have you as parents! You all look so beautiful together!”
Our response – That’s encouraging but isn’t any parent blessed to have any child instead of the other way round?
Why can’t it simply be – Congratulations! Or, All the best for your next innings! Or, Your bundle of joy looks so cute! Lots of love and blessings…etc..?
How does it matter where/how the baby has come from? Isn’t it important that the couple has started a new journey – one of joy, love and responsibility?!
#normalizeadoption #adoption #adoptiveparents